We Have a Jealous God

Yesterday at my youth group, we were challenged to think about our idols. My pastor had us ponder tough questions like "What gives you the best sense of self worth?" and "What consumes your thoughts and actions throughout the day?" Now, I have a tendency to compare myself to others. Well, I'm not doing as bad as them in my walk, so I'm doing pretty good. But last night, I felt so convicted. Relationships consume my life. I'm not even talking romantic relationships (although that does cross my mind a lot too). The times when I feel like I am at my lowest of lows is when I am lonely. When my "friends" decide to have a girls day and I'm sitting alone at home because I was not included, I feel like dirt. I just want to wallow in my loneliness and eat food. ALL DAY. I have no hope anything will get better and I just get depressed! I would ask God, "WHY! I try to follow your Word as closely as I possibly can, I do good deeds, I do this and that but WHY do you let me get so lonely. Why don't I have a good group of friends like all of the worldly people." (Guys, I'm sounding really pathetic here, but it's all for you readers!) I, unfortunately, did not end my high school career with a great social life. In fact, it was pretty non-existent. Now college is a brand new start for me, so the idea of having a brand new sea of wonderful people to meet excites me! I would spend hours looking at all of the profiles of people belonging to the (insert your college's name here)'s Class of 2017 Group and think "I wonder if I'll get to know her! Oh, he looks fun! Wow, she's super pretty! Oh man, maybe avoid that person" and I would just go on and on and on and on.

But, last night when I was listening to the message and questioning things that may be an idol for me, it dawned on me. How do you think God feels? I mean, when I'm ignored or pushed aside I hit my lowest of lows. But here I am doing the EXACT same thing to my GOD. God loves me and you so much and yet I will choose time with my friends, boyfriend, peers, etc. over HIM. I mean God always has a purpose in our suffering and it occurred to me that maybe this loneliness was happening so that I could feel what God feels. I mean God sent HIS SON to DIE for my sins and yet I STILL was not making enough time for Him.

Relationships are so important to us, so I'm not saying "don't talk to people ever again. Just read your Bible and pray!" Well, no. You also need fellowship with other believers. My point is, have checks and balances with all of your relationships. I was no longer measuring my worth through God's eyes, but through people's eyes. I cared more of people's opinions than God's. I spent more time with them than God. That's why I had a problem. And I know I'm not alone in this problem. Find strength in these words.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." -Galatians 1:10